


If I Die Young

by awest000000



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1615889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awest000000/pseuds/awest000000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Eren bought Levi flowers, and the one time Levi bought them for Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Die Young

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [If I Die Young](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2284362) by [Selyka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selyka/pseuds/Selyka)



> I'm sorry.

The first time Eren bought Levi flowers, Armin was with him.

“Armin, do I really need to bring flowers? Isn’t that a bit cliché?” Eren asked for the umpteenth time.

The short blonde opened the door to the small florist shop and answered patiently, “It’s romantic and will win you brownie points. Trust me, Eren.”

He sighed again but decided to trust his best friend’s judgment. While wandering around the small shop, Armin pointed out several arrangements but none of them stood out to Eren.

When they finally reached the back of the store, Eren saw them. They were blue and small and beautiful. He caressed one gently and called Armin over. When he arrived, a huge smile appeared on his face.

“Eren, those are perfect! Blue muscari and delphinium! He’ll love them!” Armin exclaimed.

Eren decided to go ahead and buy them, and if all else fails, he can play it off like a joke.

A few hours later, dressed in black slacks and a light gray button up, Eren knocked on the apartment door which housed his date. His palms were sweating and his grip on the flowers tightened.

He heard movement inside and when the door finally opened, Levi immediately started talking. “Where have you been? You’re ten minutes late. It better have been impor—.” Levi glanced at the flowers, then Eren’s face, then back to the flowers. “You… bought me flowers?”

Eren hesitated before responding, “Yes? I know they’re kinda cliché and all. In fact, I’ll just go get rid of them. Yeah. I’ll be back.”

Before he could turn, Levi gripped his wrist and gently took the flowers. A small smile appeared on Levi’s face as he breathed in their scent. “Thank you, Eren. They’re wonderful.”

He turned back and went into his apartment, setting them in a cup of water. He placed a hand on Eren’s neck and pulled him down to press a sweet kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” he whispered again.

 

The second time Eren bought Levi flowers, it was the most cliché thing he ever bought.

They had been dating for a few months when Valentine’s Day rolled around. He strolled through the doors of the shop where he first bought Levi flowers but this time, he knew exactly what he wanted.

Considering it was Valentine’s Day, they still had a remarkable selection of roses. He chose a simple arrangement; twelve red roses with Queen Anne’s lace.

After arriving home and showering, he changed into black slacks, a black button up, and a red tie. They were having dinner at Levi’s apartment instead of going out, since neither of them felt like Valentine’s Day was a big deal.

Once he got to Levi’s, he went ahead and walked in, using the spare key. There was a divine smell in the air which Eren recognized as fettuccine alfredo. Levi didn’t hear him come in, so Eren quietly snuck up behind him and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. The flowers were right under Levi’s nose and his eyes widened.

“Roses?” he asked.

Eren nodded and loosened his grip on them as Levi took them. He spun in his arms and looked Eren in the eye. A large smile spread across Levi’s face and he kissed him with a strong surge of passion.

As much as Eren loved kissing Levi, he loved seeing his rare smile even more. He decided to make it his personal mission to see that smile as often as he could. It seemed the best way was with flowers.

 

The third time Eren bought Levi flowers, he was incredibly nervous.

He bought dozens upon dozens of different colored tulips. He got to Levi’s apartment, which was blessedly empty since Levi was at work. Eren took today off just for this.

He began to pull the petals off the tulips and once all of them were off, he threw away the stems. He went to the bedroom and arranged a heart on the bed, then began to make a trail from there to the front door.

He had some left, so he decided to go ahead and spell out a message on the bed as well. All that was left to do was to wait for his boyfriend to get home.

It felt like eternity, but finally Levi came home. Eren scrambled to sit on the bed and crossed his legs, arranging the little box in the center of the heart.

The door knob slowly twisted and the short, raven haired man stood there with his mouth gaping. He took in the sight before him; candles lit everywhere and a trail of petals leading up to the bed where Eren was sitting with two glasses of wine and smiling at him sheepishly.

Levi’s eyes traveled to the petals on the bed and he took in a sharp gasp. In the center of the heart, was a small black velvet box with a ring nestled in the satin inside. Below the heart, was a question.

_Will you marry me?_

Eren squirmed on the bed, waiting for a response. The longer Levi took, the more anxious Eren grew. The gray eyes of his lover slid back up to his face and he slowly joined him on the bed. He took both glasses of wine from him and set them on the night stand.

Then Levi grabbed the ring and studied it. It was gold with five diamonds set into the stone on a silver bed. It was absolutely beautiful. He slowly handed the ring to Eren, not quite meeting his eyes.

Tears formed in Eren’s eyes as he realized what was happening. Before he could say anything though, Levi held out his left hand and finally met his gaze.

“Yes,” he whispered. Eren choked back a sob and hurriedly slid the ring onto Levi’s third finger. Using that hand, Levi wiped the tears that were falling from Eren’s eyes. “Oi, brat, don’t cry. I said yes.”

Eren laughed and pulled Levi into a kiss. After a few hours of activities that caused heavy breathing and sweating, Levi rolled on his side and admired his ring. He then glanced at Eren’s happy face and griped, “Just because I said yes doesn’t mean that mess you made is excused.”

 

The fourth time Eren bought Levi flowers, it was a glorious day.

It was nothing big, just a small boutonniere. But it meant the world to Eren. It was for their wedding day. It was just a small white rose but it symbolized so much more.

And he couldn’t even give it to Levi.

Hanji had _insisted_ upon the tradition of them not seeing each other until they met at the altar. So, Eren gave the boutonniere to her and gave her explicit instructions to make sure he got it in perfect condition.

When she got back, she gave him two thumbs up and began to straighten his tie. She backed up a few steps and smiled. “Almost ready?”

Eren nodded and gave her a nervous smile. “I’m going to go get ready to walk up. Good luck, Eren,” Hanji said.

Before he could respond, she was up and out of the room. It had been eight long months of planning and the day was finally here. They decided that Eren was going to walk up alone and join Levi, who would already be at the altar.

They each would have two people standing with them. Eren had Mikasa and Armin next to him and Levi had Erwin and Hanji. Mikasa was walking with Erwin and Armin with Hanji.

Armin and Hanji went first, and once they reached the front of the church, separated to go to their respective sides. Next was Mikasa and Erwin. When they had gotten to the front, it was time for Eren to go.

Marco and Jean pulled the doors open to reveal Eren in his white tux and dark green tie, which matched Armin’s tie and Mikasa’s dress. He took a deep breath and slowly walked up the aisle, keeping his eyes on Levi the whole time.

He stood next to his betrothed and Levi gently took his hand. Eren smiled and searched for the boutonniere, seeing it pinned to his lapel. Levi whispered, “Thank you.” Somehow, Eren knew it was for more than just the flowers.

 

The fifth time Eren bought Levi flowers, it wasn’t on a good note.

“Are you _cheating_ on me?!” Eren yelled.

Levi whipped around and stared at him with incredulous eyes. “What?! No! Why the hell would you even think that?!”

Eren threw his hands up and shouted, “Oh gee, I don’t know, maybe because this is the fourth time this week you’ve ‘worked overtime’ with Erwin!” He made air quotations around worked overtime.

“What are you implying?” Levi growled.

“You are as dense as a fucking brick!” Eren screamed. “Do you even know what today is?”

Levi stopped in his tracks, searching in his mind for today’s date. He visibly paled and his eyes widened as he remembered. “Shit,” he muttered.

“Yeah, that’s right, asshole! Today’s our anniversary! And you decided you would rather spend it with Erwin at the ‘office?’” He once again made air quotes.

“Look, Eren, I forgot. I’m sorry. That’s that. What else do you want me to do?” Levi sighed.

Eren’s bottom lip trembled as he whispered, “You don’t even get it, do you? You spend more time with Erwin than with me.”

Levi’s eyebrows shot up as he caught on to what Eren was saying. “Excuse me?” he asked, surprised.

“You stay with him every damn day. Then you come home as if it’s nothing?”

“You do too! You see Armin all the damn time! Does that mean you’re cheating on _me_?” Levi exploded.

Eren gaped at him. “I haven’t seen Armin in two fucking weeks. So no, I’m not cheating.”

Levi didn’t have a response, so he growled angrily, “Fuck you, Eren.” With that, he stalked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

With nothing else to do, Eren grabbed his keys and left. Eren knew he shouldn’t have accused Levi of cheating. But he couldn’t help himself. Erwin was Captain fucking America. How could he even compete with that?

It was rather late, so the florist he usually went to was closed. Sighing, he went to the nearest Walmart. He ran in and found a bouquet of flowers, yellow roses, daisies, and daffodils. He thought they would be good for apologizing.

Eren jogged to his car and carefully settled the flowers in the passenger seat. He didn’t bother putting on his seat belt, considering he only lived twenty minutes away. Of course, neither he nor the semi-truck saw each other.

Needless to say, only one of them survived the crash, and it certainly wasn’t Eren.

 

+1

The one time Levi bought Eren flowers, he could barely bring himself to do it.

When he got the call that Eren had been in a car wreck, he was immediately worried. He first assumed that it was merely a fender bender and not a big deal. But when he asked to speak with him, that’s when Levi realized.

He wouldn’t be able to speak with Eren ever again.

By the time he got to the scene, they were trying to pull Eren’s mangled body out of the totaled car. Levi rushed forward and dropped to his knees, not even bothering to care that he was kneeling in broken glass.

He caught sight of something bright yellow and definitely out of place. Flowers. Eren had bought Levi flowers. He didn’t try to hold back the sob that wracked through his body and let the tears flow freely.

It was his fault.

That was when Levi woke up, crying, alone in his bed. Today would have been their two year anniversary. Two years married. One year without Eren.

He took a shaky breath and climbed out of bed. It was seven in the morning, which was rather late for him. He slowly climbed in the shower and cleansed himself. He got out and got ready for the day.

Everything was going good. He hadn’t let himself think about Eren or the fact that he died one year ago today or that two years ago today, they got married.

No, he wouldn’t let himself think of it. His boss had called him last night asking if he was coming in tomorrow. Levi had scoffed and said of course.

But as soon as he saw the picture on his dresser of himself and Eren, standing at the altar smiling at each other, his wall broke. He picked it up with shaky hands and slid against the wall, trembling. There was no way he was going in today.

He grabbed his phone and called his boss, desperately trying to control himself, but to no avail. “H-Hanji…” Levi cried into the phone. “I- I can’t c-come in to-today.’’

“It’s okay, sweetie. I understand,” she said softly. Another sob wracked through him, leaving him sniffling.

He nodded and let the phone drop, not bothering to disconnect it. He sat on the floor and gripped the picture tight, not wanting to let go. He knew what he needed to do.

He forced himself up and pulled on jeans and one of Eren’s hoodies. It still smelled like him. He choked back the whine that threatened to escape and made his way outside. He couldn’t trust himself driving so he set out to his destination on foot. The florist.

He saw the little shop and entered quietly, rubbing his face to try to get rid of the tears staining his cheeks. He remembered each and every flower Eren ever bought him, and he was going to do the same thing.

He went directly to the lady at the front of the store and croaked, “Can I order some flowers?”

She smiled sympathetically at him and nodded. “Of course. Do you know what kind?”

He took a deep breath and responded, “Yes, but it might be a lot.” She waited for him to continue. “Okay, I need blue muscari and delphinium, red roses with Queen Anne’s lace, tulips, a single white rose, and yellow roses, daisies, and daffodils.”

She wrote all of it down and slowly looked around the store. She spotted everything she would need and she gave him another smile. “I can have it done in about thirty minutes. If you want to brows the shop while I work you can. My name is Christa, by the way.”

He nodded dully and slowly walked around the store Eren walked through several times. It felt like years passed but the flowers were finally done.

Christa walked up to him and gently tapped his shoulder. When he turned to look at her, she led him to the counter, where a beautiful bouquet of flowers were.

She sheepishly said, “I didn’t know if you wanted a vase. If you do, I can put them in one.”

He shook his head and gently caressed a petal on the white rose. “It’s okay. They’re perfect.” He paid her and gently took them. Next stop, the cemetery.

He hadn’t visited Eren since the funeral and he suddenly felt guilty. Although it’s been a year, Levi knew exactly where he was buried. The still new tomb stone shone in the sun, making Levi feel worse. He wished today would have been rainy and depressing. No such luck.

He sat down in front of it, not bothering to care that he was getting dirty. He inhaled a deep breath, smelling Eren’s sweatshirt again. “Hey, brat,” Levi began.

He swallowed hard and continued, “I know I’ve been a real jerk, not seeing you and all. You’d think that I’d have been a better husband than this.” He laughed breathlessly but it caught in his throat. “Eren… I’m sorry. I- I know it doesn’t change anything. What’s done is done. I just can’t—.” He cut himself off with a cough.

“I can’t live without you knowing this.” Tears began to roll down his cheeks. “You accused me of cheating. It was one time, Eren. Once. It never happened again. Even now, Erwin’s tried. But I couldn’t do it. I _can’t_ do it. I know you’re dea—.”

After a deep breath, he kept going. “I know you aren’t here anymore, but I still love you, brat. You’re still my husband. I wear my wedding ring all the time. I haven’t taken it off once. I won’t ever take it off, either. I even bought you flowers. The same ones you bought me. All of them in one bouquet."

Levi looked down at the flowers in his hands. He placed them against the headstone gently. He traced the words engraved on the left side of the rock. ‘Eren Jaeger. Born March 30, 1985. Died May 14, 2014. Loving husband and will be greatly missed by many.’

His own name, Levi Jaeger, was carved on the other side, with just his birthdate, December 25, 1981, accompanying it. He settled back in front of the rock and gazed at the dirt. He began talking to it, no _him_ , as if he was really there.

He spoke of the past year, how tough it’s been without him. He confessed things no one else knew. He had taken up drinking himself into oblivion every night. He hated his life. He fell back into the rut he had been in before he met Eren those ten years ago. He wanted to die.

But he knew that wasn’t the answer. He knew he had to stay strong. He wanted to have a multitude of stories to tell Eren when he joined him in Heaven. He talked about everything, from his breakfast to the latest book he’s read to about how he needed to fill up the car with gas. It was almost dark before Levi realized how late it was.

He stared at the tombstone with heavy sadness in his eyes. He lurched forward and pressed a kiss to the cold stone, feeling his tears roll down his cheeks and fell on the coldness beneath him. He removed his lips and pressed his cheek to the smooth plane. Before he got up to go, he whispered, “I’m sorry. I’ll love you forever. And now I can never tell you that again.”

He stood up and brushed off his pants. He turned to leave, but felt a chill go through him. It felt like arms were wrapped around his waist, and something pressed against his neck.

Levi smiled despite his sadness and murmured, “I love you too, brat.”

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was sorry.


End file.
